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Tools for the Zombie Apocolypse

October 6, 2010 By Bradley Weber

machete.jpg

Found this beauty while researching USMC bolo machetes for a little project that’s in the works.

You’re looking at the Condor CT-5 — a 22-inch machete cut from 1095 spring steel. (The good stuff, or so I read.) Figure in the full tang and overall length is 27.5 inches. Just the kind of quality instrument one best have when dealing with the undead. Or heavy jungle. Or Whatever.

My 6-year old was next to me while I was looking these over so, naturally, I had to explain what a machete was, how it was different from a sword, and why I wanted one.

The wife tells me, “You don’t need a machete.”

The kid tells her, “Sure he does!”

That’s my girl . . .

Also found something called a bush cutlass, which looks like a cavalry saber for ninjas. The knuckle guard is nice . . . so is the point. Good for getting at the brain through the eye socket. But will the narrow blade hold up against zombie skulls?

Guess there’s only one way to find out.

Look for more edged weapons and other survival gear here:

comtattactical.jpg

Just click the image and you’ll zip right over.

Filed Under: Fear & Loathing, Gadgets and Toys, Zombies

Night of the Living Trekkies — book review

September 7, 2010 By Bradley Weber

notlt_zombie.jpg
“I’m dead, Jim.”

Today’s the 7th, so I can officially unleash my review. Read on. Contest details at the bottom.

Night of the Living Trekkies is a fluffy book, like popcorn or cotton candy, or a tribble, I suppose. There are no real surprises here. It is good, old-fashioned comfort reading.

The story has the rhythm of any modern zombie film, keeps all the necessary beats. But instead of a rag-tag group of strangers desperate to save their individual skins, this is a rag-tag group of sci-fi geeks applying the Star Trek philosophy of “a better world though friendly cooperation” to their survival. And it works, for the most part. There are also a handful of the usual narrative standards: Reluctant Hero Rises to his Destiny, Saves His Friends, Defeats the Enemy and Gets The Girl. We know they’re going to get out of this; it’s just a matter of how.

The guys who wrote Night of the Living Trekkies certainly did their homework. Trek references and inside jokes abound, especially in the first seventy-or-so pages of set-up. And keeping with Star Trek’s overall target audience, NotLT seems to have been penned for a PG-13 crowd. The zombie action is light and, keeping with the property’s sci-fi trappings, the weapons of choice tend toward Tasers and blades. Guns are used, though sparingly.

While the story skates to the beat and rhythm of a zombie movie, the overall story traces a parabola consistent with any of the Star Trek shows and/or films and nearly all the right people are alive by the end. The chapters are short, the action is fast, the writing is serviceable — all work to keep the pages flipping. (I finished it in about five hours and I’m a slow reader.) The characters are generally likable, even the Jerk who eventually devolves into The Bad Guy. But even so, he is not despicable. There is a wide line between being an ass and being evil, and in this book, that line never gets crossed.

Night of the Living Trekkies has plenty of enemies in it, but no real Villain, which may be this tale’s missing ingredient. The zombies have no motive other than to consume and infect. They are simply the Enemy. The Jerk who turns into the Bad Guy does so mainly because he is infected and taken over by the thing creating the zombies. The one guy who might serve as a Villain is explained too late for him to have been effective and a lot of air is let out of his balloon when it’s realized he’s not in control of his own actions, anyway.

The story wraps up nice & tidy, all loose ends cut or cauterized, with the Hero and his pals facing a Bright Though Uncertain Future. They are us and we are them. The same could be said for the zombies. But this is, after all, a Star Trek story.

So — time to apply my patented evaluation device, ““The Three Best Things Anybody Can Ever Say About Any Book”:

Was it worthy of the time I spent reading it? — Oddly, yes. Like I said, the pages turned quickly and I was entertained for pretty much the entire story.
Would I pay full cover price, including applicable sales taxes? — For myself, no. If I was buying it as a gift, sure.
Would I give this book as a gift? — Yes.

CONTEST! WIN A FREE BOOK AND POSTER! TWO LUCKY WINNERS!

Books are books and should be given freely. Share a book and share yourself.

Or something like that.

So, rather than make my faithful readers do anything untoward, I figure to just give the book/poster combos to the first two who comment on this post.

Don’t put your address in the comments! I’ll get back to you via email and work out how to get you the goods.

Good luck and thanks for reading.

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Zombies

Immortal Words on Mortality

September 7, 2010 By Bradley Weber

As reportedly said by playwright Tom Stopppard:

“I have a spasm of envy for the person that was killed by a falling bookcase, as long as it doesn’t happen prematurely. [It] would be a good way to go. You went when you were in a good frame of mind and you were doing something pleasant and interesting. A lot of people would say, ‘I would rather have a heart attack at the height of sexual passion.’ On the whole, I would prefer to be killed by a bookcase.”

Presumably, the case is full of books. Death By Empty Bookcase would seem to be pointless.

Can’t help but wonder what books Mr. Stoppard would prefer fill the homicidal shelves prior to their collapse.

Filed Under: General, Weridness

Happy Holidays (part 1)

July 9, 2010 By Bradley Weber

tw2009sm.jpg
click here for full size image

Tinwerks is a Chicago-based company that does ground-up design and manufacture of metal boxes. Chances are that if your special edition DVD boxed set, candy, gum, food, toys, or cigars came in an uber-cool tin, these guys did it.

Now that I think about it, this is actually the fourth card design I sent them in 2009. The first one was this . . .

click for full image
(click image for detail)

. . . but they weren’t feeling it, for some reason. So I sent them this . . .

robosnowangel.jpg
(click image for detail)

. . . which they said was still a bit too corporate. They were looking for something that jumped off the page, something that would show they were a breed apart. Discussion still revolved around robots and snowmen and this and that . . . and then I came up with a giant snowman attacking Tokyo.

Instant love. Do it.

But before getting too far into this version, I sent the Big Bosses the following:

tw09_snowman_terror.jpg
(click image for detail)

The idea being that the runners would be redrawn as a fleeing mob, include some 1950s jets flying around and a pair of insets with shocked citizens and scientist in the bottom corners. Go for a total movie poster look.

And they loved it! They said it was the best Iron Maiden Christmas card they’d ever seen, which I took as a high compliment. But the image was not quite, er, corporate enough — didn’t send the right message or something. So, back to the drawing tablet.

Some more ideas, more back-and-forth and I sent them this one:

tw09tinnyold.jpg

It’s got the same basic elements as the final product but the chest design on this guy was a bit much. The final robot design has a nice Power Rangers feel to it that the big-wigs really dug. Actually, they went nuts over it. So much so that there was talk of having “Tinny” (as this guy’s now known throughout the company) at trade shows and printed on t-shirts, but it either never happened or I never got a shirt — which is a drag, because I would be wearing it with pride.

twtshirt09_thumb.jpg
click here for full size image

More fine examples of my holiday handiwork coming soon.

Filed Under: Art, Humor, JMS Labs, Work For Hire

Father’s Day Activity Sheet

June 18, 2010 By Bradley Weber

ilh_fathersday_2010.jpg

click to download (638kb)

In just under the wire! Print, color and have a Happy Father’s Day. I know I will. Peace.

(special thanks to Bruce Lee , a.k.a., Loston Wallace, over at the PencilJack forum for the Kirby Krackle tutorial. YOU GO NOW. DO IT.)

Filed Under: Art, Coloring Books, JMS Labs, Kid's Menus, Kid's Stuff

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