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Famous Feztonians: Francois Anatole

December 30, 2020 By Bradley Weber

The first Famous Feztoinian featured at Oddball Art Labs’s 2015 pop culture event ⎯ Fez Fest!

Elgin’s own Rich Wagner posing as singer, songwriter, and international drug merchant, Francois Anatole. Read his Feztonian bio below.

(Write-up by yours truly; design work by artist David Metzger.)

The next time you’re in downtown Elgin, be sure to stop by Rediscover Records and tell Rich, “hello!”

Rich Wagner of Rediscover Records as Francois Anatole
Biography of Francois Anatole.
Read easier ⎯ click to view larger image.

Filed Under: Art, Fez Fest, Humor, Weridness, Writing Tagged With: OddballArtLabs, RediscoverRecords

Fez Fest!

December 8, 2020 By Bradley Weber

Fez Fest logo — “Get your fez on!”











2014 Freedonia Fez 
(Black with gold tassel)
2014 Freedonia Fez

It all started when I bought myself a limited edition, hand-crafted Freedonian fez from the fine folks over at Fez-O-Rama ⎯ the same one perched atop my skull on the home page.

Duck Soup movie poster, 1933
Duck Soup movie poster, 1933





[For the record, Freedonia was the fictitious country ruled by Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx) in the 1933 classic, Duck Soup. Every year, Fezmonger Jason Rodgers rings out the old and rings in the new by watching all of the Marx Bros. movies in order.]



This was back in December 2014. I don’t know who’s bright idea it was to put together an art show around the famous headwear. All I know is that the gang at Oddball Art Labs was instantly on board and working hard to make Fez Fest a reality in 2015.

"Famous Feztonians in History" logo by Dave Metzger
Logo by Dave Metzger

Two of the Oddballs ⎯ Dave Metzger and MikeRende ⎯ invited me to collaborate on “Famous Festonians in History”: an installation showcasing the fez and the people who wore them.
Dave would take picutes of people he knew and I’d write up brief but detailed fictional biographies that would hang under the oversized photos.

A lot of imagination and research went into those bios. I also joined one of the photo shoots, which was a lot of fun and lead to some great pictures. More on that later.

Martini Room
"Serving hand-crafted cocktails 
in the heart of downtown Elgin, IL since 200
“Serving hand-crafted cocktails
in the heart of downtown Elgin, IL since 2004″

Dave did a terrific job putting together the words and images. The Festonians were a hit and, after the show, Dave presented each of the models with their picture and the write up. For a while, one hung in the Martini Room in downtown Elgin. There might still be one up at Rediscover Records. (If anybody sees it there, please take a picture and send it along.)

Rediscover Records
"The Audiophile's Playground"
“The Audiophile’s Playground”

To celebrate the show, I’ll be posting all six ⎯ seven! ⎯ of the Famous Feztonians, one at a time for your viewing pleasure, along with a few other artifacts from the show.

If anybody was a contributor or has any photos from the show ⎯ crowd shots, friends and family, the Shriner cars, belly dancers, etc. ⎯ email them and I’ll throw ’em into future posts.

For now, here’s the front and back of the announcement postcard that went out before the opening. (Text by me, artwork and layout by Dave Metzger.)

More soon!

Fez Fest announcement postcard (front) featuring the All-Seeing Carl!
Fez Fest announcement postcard (back)
Click to enlarge

Filed Under: Apparel, Art, Fez Fest, Weridness, Writing

Complex Partial: A Poem About Seizures

March 7, 2020 By Bradley Weber

Complex Partial: A Poem About Seizures

By Bradley James Weber

“There it is again,” he says

The aura

The slight dizziness and the déjà vu

Another memory of things that never happened

“Sometimes,” he says,

“I wonder why I’m on the floor.”

Why his face hurts

Why he can’t breathe through his nose

And where all the blood came from . . . .

Or once

How his car got on the wrong side of the street

Up the grass outside the Jiffy Lube

And who all the people were

Concerned and amazed

That he rolled through the intersection

Without killing anyone

“Are you OK?” they ask

“You want us to call somebody?”

All good questions

None with answers and no time to find them

Because his window of functionality

Is slamming itself closed.

“When I snap out of it,” he says,

I’ve got a few minutes—

maybe five.”

Until the headache

The nausea

And confusion hit

Five minutes

Until the whirling vertigo

Until he can’t drive

Or stand

Or think straight about anything

Except throwing up

Then going to sleep

In a very quiet, very dark room

“It never goes away,” he says

The dread of another seizure

The paranoia, the depression and rage

In spite of the meds

Or maybe because of them

Side effects may include:

Hostility, nervousness,

Personality disorders,

Irritability

Delusions

Agitation, apathy

Mood swings, aggression

Suicidal thoughts.

“Which is fine,” he says,

“But what if you’ve got all that

before taking medication?”

Paranoia, anxiety

Depression, rage

All part of the program

When you’re born with a brain full of bad wiring

“So what’s that leave you?” he says

Other than jokes

Some from his parents

About how they’d been right all along

“Something’s wrong with that boy.

We’ve said it for years.’”

The nighttime episodes

His face and chest banging

And banging and banging and banging

Into the mattress

Seizures undiagnosed

“’Been doing that since he was a baby. Just one of those things.’”

He considers my whiskey

Then frowns

“Nah,” he says, “not worth it.”

His brain and the booze

They don’t get along anymore

Maybe not ever

“I’ll tell you what, though;

I miss it like hell.”

Then it’s time for the trash to haul itself out

I pat down my pockets

For lighter and smokes

While my brain-damaged pal

Shoves me carward

Sober and ready

To drive me back home

Filed Under: Poetry, Stories Tagged With: complex partial, poetry, seizures

Book Review: Lemons

July 17, 2018 By Bradley Weber

cover for lemons

The cover for Melissa Savage’s latest book, Lemons.

 

LEMONS

By Melissa Savage

Yearling, 2017

Age Range:  8 – 12 years

Grades:  3rd through 8th Grade

Readership:  All genders

***Recommended

In Lemons, author Melissa Savage blends the comedy of the fish-out-of-water story and the zaniness of Bigfoot investigation with the real emotions of characters struggling with their individual losses.

It’s 1974. The Vietnam War is over; Nixon’s quit the White House; and Lemonade Liberty Witt is being sent to live with her only surviving relative: her dead mom’s estranged father.

While Lem banks on her 5th grade teacher requesting custody of Lem so she can stay in San Francisco, Lem must deal with all the rage and sadness of losing her mother, losing her place in the world, being under the care of someone she didn’t even know existed, and of being sent to a backwoods town that happens to be the Bigfoot Capital of the World.

It’s this last item which helps Lem; her grandfather, Charlie; and Tobin, the cryptid-obsessed neighbor boy who’s father didn’t quite make it home from the war. Though Lem joins Tobin on his Bigfoot hunt because she has nothing better to do, the investigation allows them all to redirect their angers and griefs long enough to begin healing.

Ms. Savage’s prose is crisp and well-paced. For a book full of people dealing with personal loss,  Ms. Savage gives everyone’s emotions their due without overwhelming the characters, the story, or the reader. The characters consciously chose restraint in situations that—on TV, in movies, or in lesser works—would be amped-up for effect. With any luck, young readers will pick up on this and see it as a better way to handle overwhelming emotions.

Ms. Savage’s second book, The Truth About Martians hits shelves in early October.

For your copy of Lemons, and to pre-order The Truth About Martians, visit Anderson’s Bookshop or your local independently owned bookstore.

For more information about Melissa Savage, visit her website at https://melissadsavage.com/.

 

TTAM_Cover
Cover for Melissa Savage’s forthcoming book, The Truth About Martians.

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Kid's Stuff Tagged With: book reviews, Lemons, Melissa Savage

Shipwrecked (A Poem About Being Shipwrecked)

January 8, 2018 By Bradley Weber

(image from http://flashlarevista.com/content/in-boat-sea.html)

“No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job”

— T. S. Eliot 

The challenge was self-imposed and wholly unnecessary: Write a poem with only ten lines per stanza and only two words per line, any length on any subject.

Here’s the result.

(It should come as a surprise to exactly no one that this piece takes an ugly turn early on then steers into it.)

Enjoy!

 

SHIPWRECKED

By Bradley James Weber

FIRST DAY

Nine men

One lifeboat

First Officer

Now Captain

Eight passengers

One oar

Zero rations

Endless horizon

No compass

 

SECOND DAY

Air: equatorial

Sun: blinding

Tongues: parched

Lips: cracked

Water: none

Less food

Nine men

One wounded

One malcontent

 

FOURTH DAY

No land

No ship

No respite

No rescue

Sunburned eyes

Stomach cramps

Fata Morgana

Madness brews

 

FIFTH DAY

One captain

Eight men

Nine straws

One short

“Why draw?”

The malcontent:

“Kill him.”

The dying:

“Yes, lord.”

 

DAY SIX

Eight castaways

Seven sated

One abstained

“Pure savagery.”

Bloody work

Bloody hands

Bloody sea

One lifeboat

Attracting sharks

 

DAY SEVEN

The malcontent

spreads dissent

“Land ho?

Ship ahoy?

Not likely.

Hunger returns!

Cowardly ‘captain,’

who’s next?

Decide already!”

 

DAY EIGHT

Abstainer dead,

stolen overnight.

Seven straws

Become toothpicks.

Offal overboard

Sharks return

Selene’s crown,

Luminous, enchanting

Storm’s harbinger

 

DAY NINE

Glorious downpour!

Quenching rain!

Huzzah! Huzzah!

Relief stillborn.

Savage lighting

Heavy gales

Rudder useless

“Grab something!”

“Hold fast!”

 

DAY TEN

Three lost,

Four remain.

The malcontent,

Two lickspittles,

The captain––

Badly wounded.

“Die choking.”

The malcontent:

“You first.”

 

DAY FOURTEEN

Sundown, starlight

Waxing moon

Pensive sea

Restless sharks

Three men––

Forward, aft,

Amidships crouched––

Ever vigilant

Entertaining hunger

 

DAY NINETEEN

Human bones

Thrice gnawed

Cracked, sucked

Gnawed again

No avail

Futile, exhausting

“Like prayer.”

The malcontent:

“Abandon hope.”

 

DAY TWENTY

Two remain.

One astern––

Tearless, broken––

Overboard slipped

Midnight’s suicide

Alone together

The malcontent

The other

Battle sleep

 

DAY TWENTY-NINE

S. S. Duneeden

“Captain, sir?

Lifeboat spotted,

Port bow.”

The captain:

“Anyone aboard?”

“Unknown, sir.”

“Best investigate.”

“Yes, sir.”

 

Word spreads

Doctor ’roused

Idle crew

Crowding rails

Captain’s command:

“Engines stop.”

Duneeden drifts

Distance closes

All hands

Holding breath

 

Hopeful silence

Woefully broken

Curses, prayer

Revulsion, despair

Bones bleached

Bloody thwarts

Hunger, madness

Souls abandoned

Horror’s Testimony

Witnessed, notarized

 

Everywhere, everywhere

Fleshy strips

Salted, drying

Nearly cured.

Asleep astern

The malcontent

Charon’s helmsman

Meat–surrounded

Peacefully cradling

Someone’s head.

Filed Under: Writing

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  • Complex Partial: A Poem About Seizures
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  • Shipwrecked (A Poem About Being Shipwrecked)

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