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Book Review: Bye, Bye, Baby

August 15, 2011 By Bradley Weber

Sometimes, private eye Nathan Heller is about as hard-boiled as a Cadbury Creme Egg. He’d never admit to harboring a soft spot for his teenaged son (especially to the boy) or letting leak a drop of sweet and gooey center for the right kind of woman. But like all the best knights-errant, it’s there, under all the armor. Before long, somebody is dead, the crack gets sealed  with thick, dark chocolate, and Heller is off to serve justice Chicago-style .

Bye, Bye Baby — the 13th book in the Nathan Heller Memoirs — is no exception. This time out, a middle-aged Heller is in LA checking up on the A-1 Detective Agency’s West Coast operations, spending time with his son, and helping his old friend-with-benefits, Marilyn Monroe, a girl for whom it’s damned near impossible not to be sweet on. Between her problems with 20th Century Fox and the silk sheet shimmy she’s doing with each of the Kennedy Brothers, Marilyn’s life has become . . . complicated. So she asks Heller to tap her phones; she wants to keep a record of the ongoings. Heller agrees –– only to find the lines already tapped and the rest of the house bugged. But who, exactly, is listening? The goons at Fox? Hoffa? Sam Giancana? FBI? CIA? And why?

Through Heller, Collins examines the many questions regarding Marilyn’s death. He shows who could have benefited and why, and maybe even how she was offed.  There seems to be a raft of evidence that she was killed elsewhere in her house and was later moved to her bedroom where the tableau was set. He also makes the argument that Marilyn was a victim twice-over: being murdered then having no one stand up for her. Which (according to the book) would have been tough to do when so many parties were vested in squashing any investigation and pushing the official story of ‘suicide.’

The interactions between Heller and the early 1960’s celebrity set ring with authenticity. Frank Sinatra, Peter Lawford, Bobby Kennedy –– usually portrayed as caricatures instead of characters or people –– are given nice depth, as is Marilyn. In fact, Marilyn is probably the most fully realized character in the book, even more so than Heller. Collins clearly has a thing for Marilyn, an affection for the doomed star and a longing to somehow retroactively save her from maltreatment and bitter fate. She’s the ultimate damsel-in-distress; always will be.

And while the plot is more of an unveiling of events than a mystery to solve, Collins’s solid writing and unorthodox take on the particulars make for compelling reading. Indeed. I sat on my ass flipping pages instead of taking care of things that needed my attention. (Special thanks the neighbors for calling about the burning barbeque grill.)

All in all, a good book worth reading. So good, in fact, that I am compelled to get my hands on Nate Heller’s other memoirs and catch up on the few I missed, including “Kisses of Death” –– the story in which Heller and Marilyn first rubbed . . . er . . . elbows.

If you haven’t read any of the Heller books, you’re in for a lot of time well spent. There is a reason they are award winners.

Bye, Bye, Baby by Max Allan Collins goes on sale August 16th at fine bookstores everywhere.

And for a further bit of good reading, Chicago Lightning: The Collected Nathan Heller Short Stories will be available starting October 4, 2011.

 

Filed Under: Book Reviews, JMS Labs

A Doublespeak Dictionary

August 2, 2011 By Bradley Weber

For several months I’ve been conducting a minor social experiment: salting conversation with neighbors and other villagers with doublespeak phrases, mostly “Un-____” or “doubleplus” (e.g., “Un-good,” “doubleplus hot”) — words that are easy to decode given their context and any  non-verbal cues. The idea is to see if and when it catches on, and who says it back first, then find out if they’ve used it elsewhere. So far, no soap.

(And now that I’ve blabbed about it, the data will be tainted.That’s assuming anybody in town is reading this site. A bold assumption, indeed.)

As doubleplus weird as this experiment may seem, Americans are already conversant in Newspeak. They just don’t know it as such.

As detailed on the Newspeak Dictionary site, there are hundreds of examples of Newspeak and Doublespeak in our daily language, most of which we don’t recognize as obfuscating the very thing the words are supposed to identify.  We pick up via the media some seemingly perfect word, reuse it until we think we know what we’re really saying though never considering the full meaning. Then again, the American school system long ago quit teaching students how to think for themselves, or to consider the deeper significance of our words and actions.

Take for example, “debt ceiling.”

Or , “The Patriot Act.”

Or, “Peacekeepers.”

See what I mean.

Filed Under: Fear & Loathing, Humor, Language Tagged With: Language

Book Review: The Big Book Of Adventure Stories

August 1, 2011 By Bradley Weber

bboas.jpg

Special thanks to Agent Joe for picking this one up for me. He said that when he found this while wandering though a St. Louis bookstore, he figured, “I must be in the Brad section.”

I showed it to my wife and she said, “Where’d he find this — the Brad section?”

And here I thought the Brad section was full of unread Anger Management books . . .

The Big Book Of Adventure Stories is the third collection of pulp-era/pulp-flavored goodness from the folks over at Vintage Crime/Black Lizard. The other two on your local bookstore shelves are The Black Lizard Big Book Of Pulps and Big Book of Black Mask Stories.

blk_lzd.jpg

The tropic-toned cover art sets the right atmosphere for these golden-age adventure tales. And having finished only three of the book’s 47 stories —“After King Kong Fell,” “The Golden Anaconda,” and “The Slave Brand of Selman Bin Ali” — it’ is easy to say the collection lives up to its name. Plus, the fact that these are short stories lets me finish one, at lunch or before bed, without being compelled to stay awake all night or not being able to get back to work on my own writing.

The Big Book Of Adventure Stories was edited by Otto Penzler, the same guy who did the other two. He does a fine job of briefly introducing each story and its author, then letting the reader get on with the action. The forward by adventure/thriller author Douglas Preston adds an interesting fillip, especially his thoughts on the dates most significant to the adventure genre (1853 through 1922). This one far and away satisfies all three of my copyrighted Three Best Things Anybody Can Ever Say About A Book*:

I would pay full cover price, including applicable sales taxes.
I would give this book as a gift.
It was worthy of the time spent reading it.

Per some data on the book’s final page, two more Vintage Crime/Black Lizard collections are on their way: Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! and Agent Of Treachery: Never Before Published Spy Fiction form Today’s Most Exciting Writers. (UPDATE: Agents is in bookstores now!)

One can only hope there is a Big Book of Western Stories slated for the very near future. Because if there is, I’m getting one.

P.S. — if ever a publisher’s logo deserved its own t-shirt, it’s Black Lizard: black shirt, lime green lizard, Web address printed underneath. Just sayin’ . . .

*The Three Best Things Anybody Can Ever Say About Any Book is copyright/Keep-Yer-Grimy-Hands-Off-My-Intellectual-Propertied 2011 by Bradley James Weber. The broadcast, re-broadcast, use or invocation of the listed listing device, its title, or any variation thereof without prior written authority from, and excessive payment to, Bradley James Weber is strictly prohibited.

Filed Under: Book Reviews, JMS Labs

The Continental Shelf

August 1, 2011 By Bradley Weber

This is the the world famous and luxurious Continental Palace Hotel as it appeared in downtown Saigon, circa 1975 — sometime before the North Vietnamese Army took over the city. The picture was lifted from a now defunct Web site which dated the image from 1975, so I have to take their word for it. By the looks of the VW Beetle taxi, the date is close. Or close enough.

From 1951 to 1953, the bar in the Continental was where Graham Greene wrote THE QUIET AMERICAN, a novel presaging the US’s well-intentioned bumblings in Vietnam, which had him in trouble with the Feds for the rest of his life. It was this same hotel and bar where Hunter spent his days in Vietnam: trying to sleep in Room #37, drinking with the US press corps, and not writing what was supposed to be “Fear and Loathing and the Last Days of Saigon.”

Most, if not all, of the time Doc languished in Indo-China was captured on audio tape — only some of which made it to Disc 5 of THE GONZO TAPES. This collection has been a true mine of information . . .  esoteric bits of life and syntax that never made it into the published works or any of the biographies.

On one of the Saigon tracks, Hunter has flown to Hong Kong for some reason (possibly because his tape recorder broke and he needed a new one) and is catching up on notes. In his ramblings is mention of a drink he often has at the Continental’s bar: gin, fresh-squeezed orange juice, and lime juice.

Being a gin drinker, this sounded to me like an instant winner. And it is. Gold medal, baby, all the way.

As there was no proper recipe or moniker for this glass of magic, neither from Hunter or anywhere on the Interwebs, I now formally bestow upon it the name of the hotel bar. Henceforth and forever it will be known as “The Continental Shelf.”

So let it be written. So let it be done.

Enjoy.

CONTINENTAL SHELF

Fill a 12 oz. glass with ice cubes. Pour in:

2 oz. gin

Top with fresh orange juice, leaving room enough for the squeezings of half a lime. Pour into a shaker. Shake once. Gently pour back into glass. If there is room, add more ice. Toast your friends. Drink. Repeat. Repeat again.

You’ll never know what hit you . . .

(Special thanks to The Other Brad for being a willing test subject and for the use of the juice machine. Mahalo.)

 

Filed Under: Audio Books, Drinking, Fear & Loathing Tagged With: Continental Hotel, Continental Palace, drinks, gin, Graham Greene, Saigon, Vietnam

Machete Slingshot

July 26, 2011 By Bradley Weber

The headline pretty much says it all, though the standard disclaimer applies: Don’t try this at home.

Machete Slingshot on YouTube

 

(Having some trouble embedding the video. I’ll figure this out soon. Meanwhile, click the link.)

Three things immediately come to mind —

1) How long has there been a “Slingshot Channel”?

2) How soon before the Machete Slingshot makes it into a movie?

3) It was kind of a cop-out for Goldfinger to be shooting at a defenseless piece of cardboard. He should have gone after something dangerous like a watermelon. Or a kitty.

Just sayin’ . . .

Filed Under: Fear & Loathing, Gadgets and Toys, Tools and Weapons, Zombies

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